Christmas Blessings from the 10am Sunday Morning Meeting in Lake Havasu City, Arizona.
May your Holiday Season be Merry and Bright.
Our meeting room is very pleasant!
My wife and I regularly attend a local "Couples Group".
Only couples attend and both members are "In Recovery". That is to say, each of us is in AA, Al-Anon, or both.
Isn't life full of surprises! I thought that Al-Anon was spelled Alanon. When I wrote the word Alanon, it was underlined in red.
So I "Googled" Alanon and found out it is spelled Al-Anon!
"Goes to Show You" the more you know, the more you know you don't know it all!
Out of all of the meetings we have attended world wide, this is the first Couples Group meeting we have ever known about and it is easily one of the best meetings we have attended anyplace in the world.
Let's regroup here.
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A word about Al-Anon.
I quote the first sentence of Chapter 7, page 89, of the AA Big Book..
PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE shows us that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.
Get it? Because we are working with, and sponsoring, other alcoholics, pure and simple, we in A.A. can benefit from Al-Anon.
If you are interested, the below link will tell you more about Al-Anon.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al-Anon/Alateen
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Till We Meet Again, Let's Not Drink Today!
Arizona.
THE PROMISES AT THE BEGINNING OF CHAPTER 5 OF THE BIG BOOK pages 58 - 60.
1. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
2. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
3. But there is One who has all power -- that One is God.
4. Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
5. Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps..
6. God could and would if He were sought.
Some very important words in Chapter 5.
If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.
What do we have that a newcomer would want? First, get a plug in the jug and STOP drinking alcohol. Once we get some measure of sobriety (or at least we have stopped drinking alcohol) this changes. What we really have is a design for living!
To get this design for living, we work the 12 steps of A.A.
These words of wisdom are valuable : The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
It works IF you work it!
Wishing you all a happy, joyous, today!
It works IF you work it!
In case you haven't seen one, below is a photo of a reprint of the First Edition of the A.A. Big Book. I don't know if these First Edition reprints are still available.
A nice way to state this is : Boy meets Girl on the A.A. campus.
Then we have a very, at least in my opinion, crude or actually rude description for people who use A.A. meetings to meet and have a relationship with other members. This is often referred to as 13th Stepping.
My wife and I have been together for 29 years. We met in the rooms of A.A.
Unfortunately, we are the rare exception.
In all of our lives, most human beings have only a few relationships that have worked out for (pick a number) twenty (20) or more years.
The risk : Relationships that have gone bad often entail hostility between the couple! And there is the first risk. Perhaps the number one reason for relapse and a return to alcoholic drinking is stopping attending meetings. You are angry at him. You are angry at her. You don't want to see him or her at a meeting so you cut back and maybe stop going to meetings.
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Frank C, a good friend of mine, recently shared his below thoughts about Relationships in A.A. with me.
The term 13th Step requires lascivious intent. That is a person, manner, or gesture, feeling or revealing an overt and often offensive sexual desire and selfish intent. If a person selfishly attempts to seduce another it is a 13th Step, particularly if one presents himself or herself as someone who can guide the victim to better sobriety. If an A.A. person meets another A.A. person, and both treat the other as an equal, and the chemistry is right, I think it is not a 13th Step for them to begin a relationship.
I think it is natural for every human being to examine every other human being as a candidate for being a mate (not just a sex partner, but a person with whom one could happily spend one's life and be enriched by it). Even married people with no interest in others do a cursory, academic evaluation of the others they meet. It is natural and right for single people to sometimes find potential soulmates. If a person spends a lot of time in A.A. meetings, there is an excellent chance that he or she will meet someone with whom an attraction develops.
Frank went on to share: I made a personal condition of not dating people in the program because I wouldn't want to inhibit the other person's comfort in sharing. After a failed, 24 year, second marriage in sobriety with a non-A.A., I am re-thinking whether that philosophy is proper. I'm wondering if perhaps I should be looking within the rooms for a life mate. I am much happier and more fulfilled when I am sharing my life with one very special person. One thing I know, it hasn't worked out to share my life with a drinker.
Yes, sex is fun, BUT it is not the factor on which I want to establish a relationship. Intellectual stimulation, a shared commitment to honest caring for each other, and comfortable sleeping are much more important to me. All this is presently academic because I have no candidates in mind, and in any case I wouldn't change my approach to meetings to actively look for a partner.
And, Frank continued: I am recognizing that my best chance of having a pure, honest relationship with a woman is probably going to be with someone who is in the program too, and living an honest life with herself. I don't think time in the program would be nearly as important as honesty with self and enthusiasm in sobriety.
I once saw on the side of a wall in Chico, California an art sign that read, "The meeting of two people is like the meeting of 2 elements: if there is any reaction at all, both are transformed."
Thank you Frank so very much for sharing your experience concerning Relationships in A.A. with us.
Last month I published a Post discussing Step 6.
This Post is almost a "mirror image" of that Post except it refers to Step 7.
Step 7 - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Copy and paste is great.
Step 7 - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
In addition to having known Step 7 for all of your time in A.A., will you all tell me precisely where it says what, if anything, God IS actually going to do?
I do not see where it says, or implies, that God is going to do anything!
All Step 7 says is that we, as individuals, are going to humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings.
Last month, in a meeting, a friend brought Step 7 up and in discussing it pointed this fact out.
Ask 1,000 members of A.A. what Step 7 says, and my money is that many of them will say, in Step 7, God is going to remove all of our shortcomings.
That sure is NOT what Step 7 (and Step 6 as well for being ready to have defects of character removed) says!
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In Mongolia, A.A. celebrated its 25th Anniversary during a three day conference beginning July the 7th and ending on July the 9th.
Our best friend in Russia presented the below Ceremonial Token.
https://mongolianrecovery.blogspot.com/2023/07/jul-4-23-congratulations-aa-mongolia-25.html
My Post is 100% in English!
Sober on the 4th of July, it doesn't get much better.
In addition to our traditional holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve) the 4th of July is a holiday that lends itself to family gatherings.
Guess what? Family gatherings, especially large ones, can lead to drinking. And more drinking. We all know what that can lead to!
So to be sober today is a gift of our program and one to be grateful for!
Of all the people this holiday who have braved crowded airline flights, cancelled flights, long waits, etc, I propose the below question:
Today's Rhetorical Question : How many people would you think had their 4th of July spoiled by excess drinking? How many may not even remember the event they traveled long and far to attend only to have a "blackout" experience?
Grateful NOT to be one of them?
We sure are!
Were all of you guys sober today?
And what exactly does the below photo have to do with Step 6?
Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character.
Copy and paste is great.
Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character.
Now, in addition to having known Step 6 for all of your time in A.A., will you all tell me precisely where it says what, if anything, God IS going to actually do?
I do not see where it says, or implies, that God is going to do anything!
All Step 6 says is that we, as individuals, are entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character.
A week or so ago, in a meeting, a friend brought Step 6 up and in discussing it pointed this fact out.
Ask 1,000 members of A.A. what Step 6 says, and my money is on them saying that, in Step 6, God is going to remove all of these defects of character.
Let's all smile!
Do you suppose that the Ducks are pondering Step 6?
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I know, it is not September nor is it October. I know, it is not the 9th month nor the 10h month when we traditionally talk about the 9th and the 10th Steps regarding the Amends process.
But here we go, in May, discussing Amends.
There are several important things about making Amends.
First..
The Doctor's Opinion, page xxviii of the Big Book, states:
"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol."
I will translate this: We drink because we want to change how we feel!
The point of the 12 Steps of Recovery is so that we feel better about ourselves and don't want to, nor need to, drink to change how we feel.
Got it? Our mission is to feel good within and about ourselves.
Second..
We make Amends for ourselves. We make Amends to clear up our wreckage of the past (9th Step) or our wreckage of the present (10th Step).
We make Amends so we, not the recipient, feels better. Yes we want, and hope, our recipient also feels better but we're in this for ourselves. So we feel good. At ease. At peace with others and with the world.
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What IF we have not harmed someone else? What if our issue about another person is 100% within our own brain. What if the recipient of our angst will never, ever, know what we are, or were, thinking of them?
Today's Big Question : Do we owe that person an Amend for thinking bad thoughts about them?
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No we don't and Yes we very well may want to make an Amend.
No we don't! If you have, in no way insulted, harmed, or done wrong to another person why on earth would you say: "I want to make an Amend to you because I had bad thoughts about you!"
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Yes we do! But not in the traditional sense of the word. We're not going to make Amends to our friend per se.
One of my very best, and one of my closest friends, "Wronged me", or "So I thought!"
So I did a little ranting, and I did a little raving, both in my head as well as to my wife.
And then I suddenly discovered that my friend had not done what I was (in my mind) accusing them of. They were 100% innocent and I was 100% guilty.
What is our mission here? Our mission is to feel good within and about ourselves.
So verbally, and with a few written notes, I explained to my wife how I had (in my own mind) wronged my friend.
What did I really do? I made an Amend to the Universe!
And.
Mission Accomplished : I really, and I truly, felt much, MUCH, better about myself.
Hang in there friends. We have progress not perfection!
Instead of the term "Sayings", maybe they should be called "A.A. Words of Wisdom".
They truly are "Words of Wisdom" because many of them have evolved over the decades as a direct result of actual life experiences of many A.A. members.
The focus of this post is on Relapse.
Below are some A.A. "Words of Wisdom" :
"Relapse begins long before we pick up the first drink."
Recently I received a text message from a long time friend profusely thanking me for sharing with him a two page list of Symptoms Leading To Relapse that Patti and I prepared with the help of many friends in A.A. who were long-timers.
I can't remember the exact date when we two prepared the list but it was sometime ago.
So I thought that I would share this list here on our website.
SYMPTOMS LEADING TO RELAPSE
1. Stop attending A.A. Meetings. Over and Over and Over again, those who have relapsed, state that : I stopped going to meetings.
2. ISOLATING: NOT WORKING WITH ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC : Practical experience shows that
nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other
alcoholics! REMEMBER
together we can do what we cannot do
alone! Have, use and lastly, BE A SPONSOR. We would not be here if back in 1935 people
with a few days sober did not help fresh newcomers.
3. NOT CHANGING: Change Must Happen! We cannot continue to live the same life and
expect to have a new life without change.
Change is difficult. This is the
reason for spiritual growth. Face your fears. Fear is not the opposite of
faith. Fear is the reason for faith. NOTHING
CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES!
4. UNTREATED MENTAL ILLNESS: We can help you to stop drinking. We can NOT cure
all of your problems including mental health issues. Page 133 of the A.A. Big Book clearly states: IT IS OK TO GET OUTSIDE
HELP!
5. EXPECTATIONS ARE RESENTMENTS WAITING TO
HAPPEN! :sentment is the “number one”
offender. Having unrealistic
expectations of yourself and others can result in your expectations
not-being-met causing you resentments.
Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones sing .. “You Can’t Always Get What
You Want!” Happiness is not having
what you want. Happiness is wanting what
you have. Practice ACCEPTANCE! ACCEPTANCE DOES NOT MEAN APPROVAL. What is .. IS! Accept it.
6. SELF-PITY, COMPLACENCY : “Why do bad things happen to me?” "Why am I an alcoholic?" "Nobody appreciates me." Relapse won't happen to me. Drinking was the furthest thing from my mind. Many relapses occur when things are going
well. You must ALWAYS BE ON GUARD FOR THE UN-GUARDED MOMENT! You have a progressive disease. Your
life will be worse if you relapse!
7. IMPATIENCE and ARGUMENTATIVENESS : Things are not happening fast enough. Others
are not doing what they should or what YOU want. Arguing small and ridiculous
points of view. The need to always be
right. WOULD YOU RATHER BE RIGHT OR
WOULD YOU RATHER BE HAPPY?!
8. FORGETTING GRATITUDE : Being negative about
yourself and others, focusing on problems.
Remember where you were and how much better life is now! WRITE A GRATITUDE LIST and share it with your
Sponsor.
9. S.L.I.P. – Sobriety Lost Its Priority : Not praying. Not meditating. Not taking daily inventory. Not attending meetings. Not
working-with-others. Not having an
active SPONSOR. Not doing service work. Being
complacent and bored with your program.
The cost of relapse is always too great.
NEVER FORGET that you have a progressive disease. Your life will be worse if you relapse!
10. PERFECTIONISM leads to PROCRASTINATION (I
will put this off because I can’t do it perfectly). PROCRASTINATION leads to PARALYSIS! The alcoholic in-the-gutter often is a disillusioned
perfectionist! Easy Does It on yourself
and others. Watch out for building
unreasonable expectations for yourself and others.
11. TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE : You
cannot be all things, To all people, At all times, In all places! If you are off-balance you cannot help
others. Don’t set yourself up to fail by
expecting too much of yourself.
12. DISHONESTY : This begins with a pattern of unnecessary little lies and deceits
with fellow workers, friends and family.
Then come important lies to yourself.
This is called rationalizing - making excuses for not doing what you do
not want to do, or doing what you know you should not do.
13. HALT. The acronym HALT means that you are getting too Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. Hungry : You must eat properly. Angry : Be calm. Do not allow
yourself to be overly emotional and angry.
Anger is one letter from DANGER. Lonely : Only the lonely Alcoholic thinks isolating is
the answer. Get to meetings. Tired : Proper rest is critical. If you feel well you will think well. If you feel bad a drink may feel like the
answer. Poor me, poor me, POUR me a
drink.
14. USE OF MOOD ALTERING DRUGS : You may want to escape from routine daily stress with other mood-altering substances. Your doctor may even concur. You may never have had a problem with drugs other-than-alcohol. You can easily lose your sobriety starting this way! It is a subtle way to relapse. The reverse is true for drug dependent people who start to drink alcohol to relieve stress.
15. OMNIPOTENCE, FEELING COCKY : This can result from a combination of many of
the above factors. You now have all the
answers for yourself and others. No one
can tell you anything. You ignore
suggestions or advice from others. Relapse
is probably imminent unless drastic changes take place immediately.
16. THINK THE DRINK. PLAY THE TAPE ALL THE WAY THROUGH!
REMEMBER
.. RELAPSE
IS NOT A REQUIREMENT!
Just because we still have some "winter snow" here in Alaska on April the 30th, this is no reason to "take a drink".
On St. Patrick's Day, a friend sent me the below cartoon.
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Yesterday in a meeting, I was asked to name a topic from the first 164 pages of the A.A. Big Book, share on it briefly (5 to 10 minutes), and open the floor for discussion.
I named the topic as Resentment.
I can't talk about resentment without beginning on page 62 of the Big Book.
Selfishness -- self-centeredness ! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.
From page 64 in the Big Book.
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.
From page 66 in the Big Book.
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger.
I love these words : Add the letter D to the word anger and you have Danger.
What to do?
The answer begins with one key line in Chapter 5 How It Works on page 58 of the Big Book.
If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps.
The issue is this : What we have changes.
In the first days of one's membership in A.A., what we have is not drinking alcohol one day at a time. Then we "sober up" and stop drinking. We get a sponsor and we work the 12 step program.
Then? We discover "What we really have in A.A. is a Design for Living".
BUT ? Are you truly willing to go to any length to get our Design for Living.
Do you really and truly want to be free of resentment and anger, do you really and truly want to be happy, joyous and free?
If you want these things, then on pages 551 and 552 of the Big Book, in the chapter Freedom From Bondage, you have our answer to resentment against another person or thing.
BUT? You have got to really want this Design for Living.
It worked for the author of the story and I can personally attest that it has worked for me.
Back in December of 1989, I was "attacked and mugged" at night in the backyard of a friend in Fairbanks, Alaska, that I was staying with. The man who attacked me was a friend of my host. I ended up in the Emergency Room of the Fairbanks Hospital with my injuries.
I then began the above process. I prayed, not for 14 days, but for 16 days before my resentment against my attacker finally lifted.
In the end, against the advice of the local Police and Public Defender, I did NOT press charges against this "well known" criminal who I "had dead to rights" had I proceeded with a criminal case against him.
It works. IF you want it and are willing to go to any length to be happy, joyous and free.
When I give an "open talk", especially when I am out of the country, I ask those present for one favor.
That favor is : IF you have any questions, please interrupt me by raising your hand, or just calling out to me vocally.
Why do I make this request? The answer is :
People seldom remember their question(s) until the hour or more I am speaking passes!
Their questions stimulate others to ask their own questions.
This back-and-forth, give-and-take, really stimulates the meeting. Those in attendance really feel a part of the meeting.
During my time speaking in Russian Siberia, without exception, the most "asked question" was always : "How do I get my (wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, co-worker, etc) to address their drinking and to want to stop.
My answer : There is absolutely no way that you can succeed in this endeavor. We are absolutely, and we are totally powerless to make anyone want to change (anything in their life basically).
Now if they know your drinking history, and you are sober (abstinent from drinking), your good example may prompt them to ask you, "How did you stop your drinking?"
This is a BINGO ! Now you can help them.
BUT they must want to explore the drinking issue. You can't successfully get anyone who doesn't want to stop to do so.
In Chapter 5, of the A.A. Big Book, How It Works, we read : IF you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.
It all comes back to the individual must want sobriety and be willing to go to any length to get sobriety.
Another commonly asked question.
My (wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, co-worker, etc) stopped drinking and then they began drinking again.
Why? It's called relapse. There are a myriad of reasons people relapse. The most common reason is : When some one stops attending meetings is the number one reason cited for relapse.
And what can I do?
Again we can do nothing to change another person. Yes, we can be a good example, but that is it.
What happened to all of the excitement my (wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, co-worker, etc) once had.
Again no one knows the answer to the question why does the "enthusiasm" disappear. This loss of enthusiasm leads to members stopping attending meetings.
In Chapter 5, in my opinion, we read the greatest promise in the entire Big Book : There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Here we have two points of interest :
The honesty is when we admit that basically we are the problem. Not others, not the world, but the honesty to realize our problems, for the most part, lie within ourselves.
Mental Illness. Sometimes I really believe that those of us who experience certain mental illnesses (especially obsessive compulsive disorder) have the God Given ability that, once we get on the right track, we focus on our recovery and we remain focused.
I often advise people with other addictions to switch addictions. Become addicted to : exercise, your job, eating healthy, getting proper rest, reading good literature, .. you get the idea.
Good Luck On YOUR Recovery
After travelling to many meetings, in many foreign countries, as well as physically (NOT via Zoom) attending multiple meetings in each, and in every single state in the United States (yes all 50 of them in person) from August 1988 until November 1992, it means something (I can't say what !) to say this group is one of our all time favorite groups.
The physical chemistry of a groups meeting room contributes to the over all 'feel' of a meeting.
All too often, when a group changes its location (the rent was raised etc) the group (it may take some time) ceases to exist.
Scottsdale / Phoenix, Arizona
5631 East Shea Blvd and North 56th Street
The New Church of Phoenix
Home of the 'Lets Talk About It' group.
Below is the main entrance to the church. However, because 80% of the parking is in the rear of the church, 80% of the members enter from the rear of the church.
In the below photo, you can see the cars parked in front of the church.
In the below photo, off to the left and not visible, is the front of the church (see the above photos). Looking straight ahead, in the distance, you can see the larger parking area behind the church. Notice the black car and the masonry wall with its column.
Now we will go and see the rear parking area.
To snap the below photo of the empty rear parking area, we were at the church a full 60 minutes early.
Panning to the left, in the below photo, we see more of the rear parking area.
In the next photo below, we look to our left as we walk into the church, "Our two favorite chairs" are the two chairs at the right end of the row of four chairs immediately under the lovely stained glass window.
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The Twelve Steps.
The next three photos below show you that this group is really well organized regarding all of our program literature from books to pamphlets.
We love the exceedingly well organized group and we love the setting in the church.