APR 30, 23 .. RELAPSE

In A.A. we have many little "Sayings". 

Instead of the term "Sayings", maybe they should be called "A.A. Words of Wisdom".

They truly are "Words of Wisdom" because many of them have evolved over the decades as a direct result of actual life experiences of many A.A. members.

The focus of this post is on Relapse.

Below are some A.A. "Words of Wisdom" :

"Relapse begins long before we pick up the first drink."

Recently I received a text message from a long time friend profusely thanking me for sharing with him a two page list of Symptoms Leading To Relapse that Patti and I prepared with the help of many friends in A.A. who were long-timers.

I can't remember the exact date when we two prepared the list but it was sometime ago.

So I thought that I would share this list here on our website.

SYMPTOMS LEADING TO RELAPSE

1. Stop attending A.A. Meetings. Over and Over and Over again, those who have relapsed, state that : I stopped going to meetings.

2. ISOLATING: NOT WORKING WITH ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC : Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics!  REMEMBER together we can do what we cannot do alone!  Have, use and lastly, BE A SPONSOR.  We would not be here if back in 1935 people with a few days sober did not help fresh newcomers.   

3.  NOT CHANGING:  Change Must Happen!  We cannot continue to live the same life and expect to have a new life without change.  Change is difficult.  This is the reason for spiritual growth. Face your fears. Fear is not the opposite of faith.  Fear is the reason for faith.  NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES!  

4.  UNTREATED MENTAL ILLNESS: We can help you to stop drinking. We can NOT cure all of your problems including mental health issues. Page 133 of the A.A. Big Book clearly states: IT IS OK TO GET OUTSIDE HELP!

5.  EXPECTATIONS ARE RESENTMENTS WAITING TO HAPPEN! :sentment is the “number one” offender.  Having unrealistic expectations of yourself and others can result in your expectations not-being-met causing you resentments.  Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones sing .. “You Can’t Always Get What You Want!”  Happiness is not having what you want.  Happiness is wanting what you have.  Practice ACCEPTANCE!  ACCEPTANCE DOES NOT MEAN APPROVAL.  What is .. IS!  Accept it.

6.  SELF-PITY, COMPLACENCY :  “Why do bad things happen to me?”  "Why am I an alcoholic?"  "Nobody appreciates me."  Relapse won't happen to me.  Drinking was the furthest thing from my mind.  Many relapses occur when things are going well. You must ALWAYS BE ON GUARD FOR THE UN-GUARDED MOMENT!  You have a progressive disease. Your life will be worse if you relapse!

7. IMPATIENCE and ARGUMENTATIVENESS : Things are not happening fast enough. Others are not doing what they should or what YOU want. Arguing small and ridiculous points of view.  The need to always be right.  WOULD YOU RATHER BE RIGHT OR WOULD YOU RATHER BE HAPPY?!

8.  FORGETTING GRATITUDE : Being negative about yourself and others, focusing on problems.  Remember where you were and how much better life is now!  WRITE A GRATITUDE LIST and share it with your Sponsor.

9.  S.L.I.P. – Sobriety Lost Its Priority :  Not praying. Not meditating.  Not taking daily inventory.  Not attending meetings. Not working-with-others.  Not having an active SPONSOR.  Not doing service work. Being complacent and bored with your program.  The cost of relapse is always too great.  NEVER FORGET that you have a progressive disease.  Your life will be worse if you relapse!

10.  PERFECTIONISM leads to PROCRASTINATION (I will put this off because I can’t do it perfectly).  PROCRASTINATION leads to PARALYSIS!  The alcoholic in-the-gutter often is a disillusioned perfectionist!  Easy Does It on yourself and others.  Watch out for building unreasonable expectations for yourself and others.

11. TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE :  You cannot be all things, To all people, At all times, In all places!  If you are off-balance you cannot help others.  Don’t set yourself up to fail by expecting too much of yourself.

12. DISHONESTY : This begins with a pattern of unnecessary little lies and deceits with fellow workers, friends and family.  Then come important lies to yourself.  This is called rationalizing - making excuses for not doing what you do not want to do, or doing what you know you should not do.

13. HALT. The acronym HALT means that you are getting too Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. Hungry : You must eat properly. Angry : Be calm. Do not allow yourself to be overly emotional and angry.  Anger is one letter from DANGER.  Lonely : Only the lonely Alcoholic thinks isolating is the answer. Get to meetings. Tired :  Proper rest is critical. If you feel well you will think well.  If you feel bad a drink may feel like the answer.  Poor me, poor me, POUR me a drink.

14.  USE OF MOOD ALTERING DRUGS :  You may want to escape from routine daily stress with other mood-altering substances. Your doctor may even concur.  You may never have had a problem with drugs other-than-alcohol. You can easily lose your sobriety starting this way!  It is a subtle way to relapse. The reverse is true for drug dependent people who start to drink alcohol to relieve stress.

15.  OMNIPOTENCE, FEELING COCKY :  This can result from a combination of many of the above factors.  You now have all the answers for yourself and others.  No one can tell you anything.  You ignore suggestions or advice from others.  Relapse is probably imminent unless drastic changes take place immediately.

16. THINK THE DRINK. PLAY THE TAPE ALL THE WAY THROUGH!

REMEMBER .. RELAPSE IS NOT A REQUIREMENT!  

Just because we still have some "winter snow" here in Alaska on April the 30th, this is no reason to "take a drink". 

I hope that the above thoughts about relapse will help someone if only because they can share them with another member of our Fellowship.

MAY 27, 20 .. A.A. GRAPEVINE STORY .. RELAPSE AT 30-YEARS SOBRIETY

In this Month's May 2020 A.A. Grapevine, is a story about a woman who, two months before having 30-years sobriety, drank.

What happened?

She stopped going to meetings. Does THAT sound familiar?

She makes the usual good points.

We all know that we set ourselves up to take that first drink long before we actually physically take it.

She had moved and didn't like how meetings were run in her new location.

She didn't get a new sponsor in her new location.

She was busy. 

Her husband (who she met and married in A.A. and who has 38-years) told her .. "Don't worry. If you go back out and drink again, you will magically find lots of time for meetings!"

She lost sight of God and had no support system in A.A. Then things got bad in her personal life. A long time sponsor (back home in her previous location) died. Her mother and three uncles died. Her dog died.

"I wanted to hurt myself and I knew the simplest way to do that was to drink. And that's what I did."

To quote her .. "Let me be very clear. I did not drink because I thought that maybe I wasn't an alcoholic any longer after all those years sober. No, I knew that once alcohol hit my lips it was going to go badly."

The below IS important.

"I truly believed, when I took that first drink after so long, that when I was done drinking this time, I'd be able to simply turn my 'AA head' back on. I would go to meetings again and get sober. In fact, I told myself, maybe I wouldn't even tell anyone I'd gone back out. I would drink secretly for awhile to numb the pain and then get sober again."

Alcoholism, as the Big Book says, gets worse over time, not better.

"The craving hit me like never before. I tried to turn my AA head back on and stop drinking but I couldn't."

"There is nothing more insane than driving around drinking and reciting Chapter Five from memory, while throwing empty bottles of Vodka out the window."

"I was cited for extreme DUI. That ended up costing me nearly $20,000 to pay for lawyers, experts, fines, classes, traffic school and an Interlock device on my car. To go from nearly 30-years sober to sitting in a courtroom eight hours a day for almost three days with six jurors deciding my fate was mind blowing."

THEN?

"I drank for another six months before I was finally able to get sober."

Her conclusion :

"It's so much easier to stay than it is to try and come back."

In my humble opinion, this is one great story. So many Grapevine stories (most in fact) are about wonderful solutions to impossible problems. 

DEC 29, 19 .. TO A FRIEND .. NEXT TIME TRY GOD

The below suggestion came from the AA Grapevine Magazine, November 2019, A Wind of Spirit, pages 26 to 30.

With regard to your relapses over the years, both of us know this for certain : YOU, and only YOU, have to want this thing we call sobriety.

Given that you do indeed want sobriety, this story is about a member who was suffering relapses.

From the Grapevine story:

Very shortly, on a morning in late July as I got out of bed with the sweats, the shakes, the terror and the obsession, I realized that if I took another drink, I was going to die -- not in a week or a day or two, not on the way to the hospital, but right then. And I thought, in an instant, it seemed, of the one great thing that everybody at the meetings had talked about: God. All the talk about God this, God that, God the other thing, and all the things God had done for those people seemed to flash through my mind, and I cried out,

"God please relieve me of the terrible obsession to drink."

And it was gone in an instant, in the twinkling of an eye. I did not have to drink anymore. I felt clean inside and out for the first time in my life, as if a wind of spirit had blown through me; and I knew that all was well, right now and forever, both here and hereafter, and it didn't really matter whether I lived or died. I just didn't have to drink again -- by the grace of God.

If just one time you can stop short of picking up that first drink, then you can do it again.

Rooting for you!