When I give an "open talk", especially when I am out of the country, I ask those present for one favor.
That favor is : IF you have any questions, please interrupt me by raising your hand, or just calling out to me vocally.
Why do I make this request? The answer is :
People seldom remember their question(s) until the hour or more I am speaking passes!
Their questions stimulate others to ask their own questions.
This back-and-forth, give-and-take, really stimulates the meeting. Those in attendance really feel a part of the meeting.
During my time speaking in Russian Siberia, without exception, the most "asked question" was always : "How do I get my (wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, co-worker, etc) to address their drinking and to want to stop.
My answer : There is absolutely no way that you can succeed in this endeavor. We are absolutely, and we are totally powerless to make anyone want to change (anything in their life basically).
Now if they know your drinking history, and you are sober (abstinent from drinking), your good example may prompt them to ask you, "How did you stop your drinking?"
This is a BINGO ! Now you can help them.
BUT they must want to explore the drinking issue. You can't successfully get anyone who doesn't want to stop to do so.
In Chapter 5, of the A.A. Big Book, How It Works, we read : IF you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.
It all comes back to the individual must want sobriety and be willing to go to any length to get sobriety.
Another commonly asked question.
My (wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, co-worker, etc) stopped drinking and then they began drinking again.
Why? It's called relapse. There are a myriad of reasons people relapse. The most common reason is : When some one stops attending meetings is the number one reason cited for relapse.
And what can I do?
Again we can do nothing to change another person. Yes, we can be a good example, but that is it.
What happened to all of the excitement my (wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, co-worker, etc) once had.
Again no one knows the answer to the question why does the "enthusiasm" disappear. This loss of enthusiasm leads to members stopping attending meetings.
In Chapter 5, in my opinion, we read the greatest promise in the entire Big Book : There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Here we have two points of interest :
The honesty is when we admit that basically we are the problem. Not others, not the world, but the honesty to realize our problems, for the most part, lie within ourselves.
Mental Illness. Sometimes I really believe that those of us who experience certain mental illnesses (especially obsessive compulsive disorder) have the God Given ability that, once we get on the right track, we focus on our recovery and we remain focused.
I often advise people with other addictions to switch addictions. Become addicted to : exercise, your job, eating healthy, getting proper rest, reading good literature, .. you get the idea.
Good Luck On YOUR Recovery
