I know, it is not September nor is it October. I know, it is not the 9th month nor the 10h month when we traditionally talk about the 9th and the 10th Steps regarding the Amends process.
But here we go, in May, discussing Amends.
There are several important things about making Amends.
First..
The Doctor's Opinion, page xxviii of the Big Book, states:
"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol."
I will translate this: We drink because we want to change how we feel!
The point of the 12 Steps of Recovery is so that we feel better about ourselves and don't want to, nor need to, drink to change how we feel.
Got it? Our mission is to feel good within and about ourselves.
Second..
We make Amends for ourselves. We make Amends to clear up our wreckage of the past (9th Step) or our wreckage of the present (10th Step).
We make Amends so we, not the recipient, feels better. Yes we want, and hope, our recipient also feels better but we're in this for ourselves. So we feel good. At ease. At peace with others and with the world.
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What IF we have not harmed someone else? What if our issue about another person is 100% within our own brain. What if the recipient of our angst will never, ever, know what we are, or were, thinking of them?
Today's Big Question : Do we owe that person an Amend for thinking bad thoughts about them?
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No we don't and Yes we very well may want to make an Amend.
No we don't! If you have, in no way insulted, harmed, or done wrong to another person why on earth would you say: "I want to make an Amend to you because I had bad thoughts about you!"
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Yes we do! But not in the traditional sense of the word. We're not going to make Amends to our friend per se.
One of my very best, and one of my closest friends, "Wronged me", or "So I thought!"
So I did a little ranting, and I did a little raving, both in my head as well as to my wife.
And then I suddenly discovered that my friend had not done what I was (in my mind) accusing them of. They were 100% innocent and I was 100% guilty.
What is our mission here? Our mission is to feel good within and about ourselves.
So verbally, and with a few written notes, I explained to my wife how I had (in my own mind) wronged my friend.
What did I really do? I made an Amend to the Universe!
And.
Mission Accomplished : I really, and I truly, felt much, MUCH, better about myself.
Hang in there friends. We have progress not perfection!
