JUN 25, 2025.. LET IT GO.. GET OVER IT..

It is amazing to me how critical, how extremely important, just one sentence in the AA Big Book has become for me personally. 

You will find this important sentence on page xxviii (28) in the front of the 4th Edition of the AA Big Book in The Doctor's Opinion: 

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol.

My personal translation of the above sentence is:

Men and women drink TO CHANGE HOW THEY FEEL.

In my opinion, the purpose of our 12 Steps of Recovery is to make us feel better about ourselves. If we feel good about ourselves then we don't need to use a substance to change how we feel.

Don't ask me why, because I am not able to answer this question: Why on earth do some alcoholics drink alcohol to celebrate their team winning the Super Bowl?

For we alcoholics, that first drink will set up a desire for "just one more" and you all know what happens then!

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Thank you so very much Cindy 86403 for sharing with us the below amazing advice about helping us to feel better about ourselves.

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It's amazing how peaceful your life becomes when you realize it's not your responsibility to regulate other people's emotions, manage their insecurities, pacify their inner wars, heal their wounds, do their inner work, and be the version of you in their minds.

At some point, you have to realize that people will only change when they're ready. No amount of love, effort, or convincing can make them see what they're not willing to face.

You can support, inspire, and encourage but their growth is their responsibility. 

Release the need to fix others and focus on your own inner peace.

Once again, Thank You So Very Much Cindy 86403 for being a Guest Contributor.

FEB 27, 23 .. I WISH I KNEW .. OH HOW I WISH I KNEW .. QUESTIONS

 When I give an "open talk", especially when I am out of the country, I ask those present for one favor.

That favor is : IF you have any questions, please interrupt me by raising your hand, or just calling out to me vocally.

Why do I make this request? The answer is : 

People seldom remember their question(s) until the hour or more I am speaking passes!

Their questions stimulate others to ask their own questions.

This back-and-forth, give-and-take, really stimulates the meeting. Those in attendance really feel a part of the meeting. 

During my time speaking in Russian Siberia, without exception, the most "asked question" was always : "How do I get my (wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, co-worker, etc) to address their drinking and to want to stop.

My answer : There is absolutely no way that you can succeed in this endeavor. We are absolutely, and we are totally powerless to make anyone want to change (anything in their life basically).

Now if they know your drinking history, and you are sober (abstinent from drinking), your good example may prompt them to ask you, "How did you stop your drinking?" 

This is a BINGO ! Now you can help them.

BUT they must want to explore the drinking issue. You can't successfully get anyone who doesn't want to stop to do so.

In Chapter 5, of the A.A. Big Book, How It Works, we read : IF you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.

It all comes back to the individual must want sobriety and be willing to go to any length to get sobriety.

Another commonly asked question. 

My (wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, co-worker, etc) stopped drinking and then they began drinking again. 

Why? It's called relapse. There are a myriad of reasons people relapse. The most common reason is : When some one stops attending meetings is the number one reason cited for relapse.

And what can I do?

Again we can do nothing to change another person. Yes, we can be a good example, but that is it.

What happened to all of the excitement my (wife, husband, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, co-worker, etc) once had.

Again no one knows the answer to the question why does the "enthusiasm" disappear. This loss of enthusiasm leads to members stopping attending meetings.

In Chapter 5, in my opinion, we read the greatest promise in the entire Big Book : There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Here we have two points of interest :

The honesty is when we admit that basically we are the problem. Not others, not the world, but the honesty to realize our problems, for the most part, lie within ourselves.

Mental Illness. Sometimes I really believe that those of us who experience certain mental illnesses (especially obsessive compulsive disorder) have the God Given ability that, once we get on the right track, we focus on our recovery and we remain focused.

I often advise people with other addictions to switch addictions. Become addicted to : exercise, your job, eating healthy, getting proper rest, reading good literature, .. you get the idea.

Good Luck On YOUR Recovery

MAY 10, 18 .. POWERLESSNESS .. A TEXT FROM A FRIEND ..

A friend just sent me the below text message :

"I talked all afternoon to a young man who is a recovering drug addict. He thinks because his primary addiction is Meth he can go ahead and drink alcohol with impunity. He has just completed 9 months in a half way house. How can I convince him otherwise or should I even try? He is age 22-years. I am deeply concerned."

Thanks Lonnie for your text. 

The first thing that 'jumps-into-my-mind' are our 'real' steps 1 and 2 on page 58 of the AA Big Book.

The 'real' Step 1 : IF you want what we have..

The 'real' Step 2 : AND are willing to go to any length to get it..

Then you are ready to take certain steps.

What do we have Lonnie? What is it we ask of a newcomer when we say IF you want what we have?

In AA we have a design-for-living. 

Our way-of-living, our design-for-daily-living does NOT include drinking alcohol with impunity does it?

So right-off-the-bat this young man does not seem to want what we have does he?

Another thought, another philosophy I live with:

No human being can be all things, to all people, in all places, at all times.

With an age difference of 45-years between the two of you, I wonder IF you can get past the 'age-hurdle' Lonnie. It seems to me that a 22-year old would be more apt to listen to a peer, specifically one who is in recovery from a Meth addiction.

Now let's think about our primary purpose. Tradition 1 (We can't be all things to all people), Tradition 3 (The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking) and Traditon 5 (Each group has but one primary purpose) come to mind.

Now to the real magic that created AA. One alcoholic (Bill W) working with another alcoholic (Dr. Bob).

We have a life at risk here. A 22-year old Meth Addict.  

Lonnie are you a Meth addict? Do you have experience with the use of Meth? Can you tell him it is OK to drink with impunity and remain Meth-free based upon your own actual experience?

As I basically said above, what this young man needs is this : IF he wants recovery and IF he is willing to pursue it, he needs to find another Meth addict, more his age, who is in recovery and who wants and is willing to DO anything to be free of Meth.

Only another recovering Meth addict can fully answer his questions.

To feel good, do good.

You don't want to just-drop-him. Be there for him without taking-him-to-raise. Point him in the right direction (find another Meth addict to work with) assuring him you want the best for him. But do not give up yourself and your beliefs Lonnie. The young man is responsible for finding his own road to recovery.

Smiles and Thanks For The Gift of You Lonnie.