DEC 25, 22 .. MERRY, SOBER HOLIDAY WISHES FOR ONE .. AND FOR ALL ..

It is no secret or surprise to those of us in recovery that the holidays, all of them but especially at Christmas, are a very stressful time.

Because of this, it is very important to stay close to the program and to our fellow partners in recovery.

Go to meetings. Get out of your head. Reach out to others. Where better to do this than to visit your friendly and comfortable local meetings.

In the greater Phoenix, Arizona, metropolitan area, there are many (read MANY) excellent meetings.

One of my favorite meeting locations is the North Scottsdale Fellowship Club (NSFC) located near the corner of North Scottsdale Road and East Shea Blvd in Scottsdale.

Just look at how nicely the NSFC is decorated this Christmas season.

A close up look below at the decorations on the table to the right of the Speaker's Podium above.

A closer look at the Speaker's Podium.

Decorations to the left of the Speaker's Podium.

Yes indeed ! The NSFC has a fully decorated Christmas Tree.

Too Feel Good .. Do Good ..

So get involved with your local fellowship especially during Christmas !

Merry and Sober Holiday Wishes !

NOV 27, 22 .. THE ELEVENTH STEP AND THE ELEVENTH TRADITION .. HEARD IN A MEETING ..

Here we are again, November, the 11th month of the year.

STEP 11  .. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.

Let's keep it simple.

Doctor Bob's last words to Bill W. .. " Remember Bill, let's not louse this thing up, let's keep it simple ! "

Prayer .. Talking to God.

PUSH .. Pray Until Something Happens.

Meditation .. Listening.

MUSH .. Meditate Until Something Happens.

What's complicated about that?

What is God's will ?

Doctor Paul wrote on page 420 of the A.A. Big Book .. " I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to Him; however it turns out, that's God's will for me.

Doctor Paul told me that IF he could rewrite the above he would add the word discernment.

" With discernment I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to Him; however it turns out, that's God's will for me.

During life, many temptations and opportunities will come before all of us that are obviously NOT God's will ! 

TRADITION 11 .. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

Why do .. We need always personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films?

Let's keep that simple too.

To protect A.A.

IF we reveal our A.A. membership publicly and we relapse and possibly make a fool of ourselves, the world will think .. "See ! A.A. doesn't work !"

HEARD IN A MEETING just the other day.

" Why is it that the suffering, miserable, alcoholic, who's very life is in the pits, practically has to be dragged, kicking and screaming all the way, into a new and better way of life ? "

Amazing huh ? 

Offer a sick and dying cancer patient a book to read and some meetings to attend with the promise that they will be free of cancer and they'd joyously snap up the opportunity.

If you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any length -- then you are ready to take certain steps.

OCT 25, 22 .. TRADITION 10

I cannot believe this : I have not yet shared my own personal experience about the 10th Tradition. 

In many meetings around the world, it is common to name as a topic, the step that coincides with the number of the month. Often one meeting a month the topic will be the tradition that coincides with the number of the month. And when this occurs, often you will hear muffled groans because, in general, the traditions are somewhat of a bore to some, if not many, members.

October is the 10th month, thus the 10th step is often discussed during October meetings. 

Often you will hear .. 

"The Steps keep us from killing ourself. The Traditions keep us from killing one another!"

"The Steps are for the individual members . The Traditions are for the Groups."

During the 9 months that I spent in Russia carrying the AA message, two things stood out and actually amazed me.

1. Never ever at any time in any meeting, large or small, did I ever hear any resistance or negativity to the word God.

I don't know what I was expecting but I certainly thought there would be some opinions (Do we have to believe in God?) concerning God or a Higher Power.

2. The Russian members were especially interested in The Traditions and often asked me to share my experience and insight into them.

I was certainly happy that I had a strong background in The Traditions.

- - - - - - - - 

Tradition 10 : Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

The Washingtonian Society was an organization established to help alcoholics. It flourished and did quite well in the 1840's but then quickly failed because it allowed its members to get involved in issues that were outside the purview of helping only alcoholics. 

If you study the 10th Tradition in the A.A. book TWELVE STEPS and TWELVE TRADITIONS, on page 178-179 you will read  .. "The Washingtonians permitted politicians and reformers, both alcoholic and nonalcoholics to use the society for their own purposes." .. "Within a few years they had completely lost their effectiveness in helping alcoholics."

The Question is : How can Tradition 10 be applied to our own, individual lives?

The importance of attending meetings of the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous cannot be overstated.  Out of all the various reasons that members relapse, the number one reason for relapse is that they stopped attending meetings.

This is is why we often warn new members about getting involved in a personal relationship. Often relationships break up with some angst and animosity between the two people. Then, because they don't want to see each other at meetings, they stop going to meetings and they risk losing their sobriety! 

Now we come to my own personal experience this week with another member of the fellowship and how I used Tradition 10 to avoid antagonizing a good friend. If it is possible, I don't want to be-at-odds with any member!

The Green Bay Packers, a famous professional football team, are the passion of Green Bay and, to some degree, the State of Wisconsin. In fact the Green Bay Packers are a publicly owned corporation basically consisting of the population of Green Bay. The people own the team.

My good friend (not his real name) is Yale. Yale was born and raised in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Guess what? He is one avid Packer fan. 

I have come to, I hope temporarily, dislike the current Green Bay Packers quarterback, Aaron Rodgers. And it happens that the Green Bay Packers led by Aaron Rodgers are, at least at this point in the season, having a very poor season with 3 wins and 4 losses. 

Guess what? Knowing how much he likes "his Packers", knowing how he hangs on them, I texted him as follows : 

"Yale .. .. Oh My OH MY .. today's FINAL .. Washington 23 - 21 The Pack !"

He replied : "No reminders please that we SUCK!"

Then it hit me like the proverbial-ton-of-bricks! This is a good friend. This is an issue outside of A.A. I don't want to upset Yale and risk the possibility of having our relationship go-South over an outside issue. 

Step 10 to the rescue. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

I texted him : You know Yale.. After I sent that text I was sorry.. I know.. You know.. all of Green Bay, if not all of Wisconsin, knows how The Pack are doing.. So Yale I plan to refrain from all future comments about The (YOUR) Pack. Some day I'll get into Tradition 10 as is applies. Your Ally.."

He replied : "It's ALL Good!!!"

Then this very evening, a few hours ago, as I sat in a meeting with Yale, before the meeting I very nearly said to him, "Will you be watching The Pack play the Buffalo Bills in Buffalo on Sunday Night Football on NBC?" Knowing the Bills are 10.5 point favorites, the top team in the AFC and may kill poor Dale's Packers.

And? I did as I promised in my text and I said not one word! I just smiled at him and kicked some dirt!

That's How It Works ! IF you work it.

It's called .. Doing-The-Deal !

Ciao4now ..

SEP 25, 22 .. THE NINTH MONTH .. THE NINTH STEP

 When it comes to having a spiritual experience, as a direct result of working one of the 12 steps, step 9 is really very special. 

And then voila, when we are halfway through step 9, here come the 9th Step Promises on pages 83 and 84 of the A.A. Big Book!!

I want to share about the spiritual experience that I recognize I experienced (get this!!) when I DID NOT MAKE AN AMEND!

Appendix II at the back of the A.A. Big Book simply says in part that a spriritual experience is a change in our relation to life itself and such a change could hardly have been brought about by ourselves.

When we make an amend we are (on the spot) doing something different (which is itself a change) in that we are recognizing that for us to get better we must change by making amends. Our making 9th Step amends is exactly that, a real change when we go back to people we may have harmed and expressing our willingness to do what we can to make things right with that person or organization.

Now I will give you all a personal example of a spiritual awakening or experience involving (and this is important) another member of the A.A. fellowship.

I love Doctor Bob's words in the book Doctor Bob and the Good Oldtimers : IF you love everybody in A.A. you haven't been going to enough meetings!

Following a share I made in a meeting, after the meeting one of the (call it) 'unloveable ones' came up to me and began to 'bait me' with some sarcastic words about my share. I was about to get into a nasty verbal argument with this fellow member of the A.A. Fellowship. Suddenly (as in instantly I paused) and I realized that IF I said what I was thinking of saying then I would owe that member an amend and worse he who would also know I owed him an amend.

So? I kept my mouth shut and said nothing so I wouldn't have to make an amend.

Wow! What a change.

The best amend for me was the one I did not have to make!

And there you have it! Me not attacking him was a change in me and as such a good example of a spritual awakening due to working the steps.

God Bless You and Best Wishes on your Spiritual Journey.

AUG 24, 22 .. AUGUST .. THE 8TH MONTH OF THE YEAR .. ITS WORD ? .. WILLING ..

It's no secret to anyone following along here, that in A.A. we have the 12 Steps of Recovery.

We also have 12 months in a year.

Accordingly, it is quite common for many A.A. meetings to, at some point during each month, discuss the Step of The Month.

Step 8 is the Step of The Month during August (the 8th month of the year).

Step 8, out of all the other 11 steps, is my own personal least favorite step to discuss.

I had a friend in Hong Kong who was celebrating twenty three (23) years of sobriety one August. To put it mildly, twenty three years of sobriety is very impressive! During the Step 8 meeting, all he could do was to lament, over and over and over again, that he did not think he did a good enough job on his 8th step list!

After the meeting I told him there were people who would do almost anything to have twenty three years of sobriety. Why not be grateful for this amazing feat and to stop beating himself up with the steps? He never again repeated his 8th step lament!

Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

I am not alone with my opinion that Step 8 is my own personal least favorite step to discuss.

How can I write the words I am not alone about Step 8 discussions? Because many Step 8 meetings end up being Step 9 meetings where amends become the real topic not the Step 8 list.

Now let's look at the meetings where some people actually keep their focus on Step 8 and do NOT move to Step 9.

Step 8 is an 'action step'. We take-the-action to pick up a pen / pencil along with some paper and make a written list of all the persons we had harmed.

Now we come to the one critical and very important word in Step 8 .. willing !

And in a solid Step 8 meeting the word willing becomes the focus of discussion. 

In the first one hundred sixty four (164) pages of our book, Alcoholic Anonymous, the word willing is mentioned in 36 places.

Here are just a few references to willing outside of Step 8.

Willing to believe in a Power greater than myself (p 47)

Willing to go to any length (p 58)

Willing to grow along spiritual lines (p 60)

We ask God to help us be willing (p 76)

God willing it should not be repeated (p 81)

Willing to turn the past to good account (p 124)

O.K. we agree on the importance of being willing.

Here are two questions that pose a real dilemma to those of us who really get into the depth of the word, willing.

Where does being, or becoming, willing originate within a human being?

I am not sure there is an answer except God or our Higher Power makes a person willing. Absolutely no human being can help or make another human being become willing.

Here is the real puzzler!

Where does a person's willing attitude disappear to when one stops attending meetings, working the program and / or experiences relapse?

I myself don't believe that God, or one's Higher Power, removes a willing attitude from any one! So where does it go?

Hopefully this may help you with Step 8 discussions.

JUL 27, 22 .. IT'S IN THE BOOK .. AND IT MEANS A LOT TO ME

Nice photo of Alaska.

When I give a talk, I make sure to very clearly name a topic. It is frustrating when a speaker just wanders around in their share and then fails to name a topic.

I am going to give a talk later and (taa daa) today's topic is :

IT'S IN THE BOOK .. 

AND IT MEANS A LOT TO ME..

Please share YOUR own special passages in the A.A. Big Book.

- - - - - - - -

Why do people drink alcohol?

IT'S IN THE BOOK (The Doctor's Opinion) and IT MEANS A LOT TO ME

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol.

Translation : Men and women drink to change how they feel!

IT'S NOT IN THE BOOK (and I don't hear the below words said in meetings) BUT SHOULD BE..

The purpose of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is to make us feel good about ourselves! The theory being, IF we feel good about ourselves, we don't need alcohol to change how we are feeling. I can't explain why an alcoholic drinks (knowing what is going to happen) to 'celebrate' after their team wins the Super Bowl.

- - - - - - - - 

Stopping drinking isn't the issue, staying stopped is the issue!

IT'S IN THE BOOK (page 553, the final story) and IT MEANS A LOT TO ME..

It's no great trick to stop drinking; the trick is to stay stopped. To do that, I had to come to A.A. to learn how to handle sobriety -- which is what I could not handle in the first place. That's why I drank. 

- - - - - - - - 

What to do about your alcoholism?

IT'S IN THE BOOK (page 58, How It Works) and IT MEANS A LOT TO ME..

If you have decided you want what we have, and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps.

For me it means to continue to do steps 10, 11 and 12!

- - - - - - - -

After one has stopped, or is even still in the process of stopping drinking, what is the best action to take?

IT'S IN THE BOOK (page 89, Working With Others and page 15 as well) and IT MEANS A LOT TO ME..

Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.

We would not exist if, back in the early days, people with one day of not drinking had not themselves gone to St. Thomas Hospital to help 'the man in the hospital bed'.

- - - - - - - -

A challenge we all seem to face?

IT'S IN THE BOOK (page 62, How It Works see also page 14, Bill's Story) and IT MEANS A LOT TO ME..

Selfishness -- self-centeredness. That we think is the root of our troubles.

One of MY solutions..

I focus upon the below sentence of the Third Step Prayer. 

Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy Will.

Road rage is an example of being selfish and self-centered. Get out of my way! Don't you know I have things to do and places to be!

- - - - - - - -

When I GET aggitated, when I get angry, what do I do?

IT'S IN THE BOOK (page 87, Into Action) and IT MEANS A LOT TO ME..

As we go through the day we pause, when aggitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.

- - - - - - - - 

Bottom Line? What have we really got in A.A.?

IT'S IN THE BOOK (pages 15, 28 and 81) and IT MEANS A LOT TO ME..

It is a design for living that works in rough going. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "A design for living" that really works. 

- - - - - - - -

Another challenge we all seem to face? Stopping or cutting back on 'doing the deal'.

IT'S IN THE BOOK (page 85, Into Action) and IT MEANS A LOT TO ME..

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

- - - - - - - -

Enough for me. 

The topic is : Please share with the group some of your very own special passages in the Big Book.

Below for you to enjoy, is a photo of Doctor Bob's Home in Akron, Ohio.

Thanks for allowing me to share the above thoughts with you. 

By the way, IF there are any newcomers in the meeting, I immediately go to a Step One meeting format.

JUN 27, 22 .. THE WORD ALCOHOLIC .. CHAPTER 3 and DENIAL .. TRADITION 3

First, let's have a look at Bill Wilson's birthplace, also known as .. The Wilson House ..

When I am asked to share my experience, strength and hope at a discussion meeting, I like to state what my topic(s) are and then begin sharing on them. So when the discussion portion of the meeting begins, everyone knows the topic(s).

Tomorrow Tuesday June the 28th, I am going to share the below thoughts in a meeting.

When I share, I like to emphasize the topic so everyone knows what it is.

So I begin by naming the topics :

The Word : Alcoholic

Chapter 3 of the A.A. Big Book and Denial

The Third Tradition.

It is my earnest and sincere belief that the word Alcoholic kills more of us than anyone would ever care to admit. 

We turn to Chapter 3 of the Big Book and I quote what it says about denial. 

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attemps to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

Then the Big Book goes on to say ..

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic.

Now I talk about my own denial. 

My problem is that I drink all liquids in great quantity and I drink them rapidly. I don't sip. I gulp. So IF I could learn to drink alcoholic beverages slowly I wouldn't have the issues that I had before I got sober. This is denial! Denial? It is insanity!

When I die (and at age 85 years it is no longer IF but when), if there is an after life (heaven), and if I go there, and if there is a maker, and if I meet the maker, and if my maker tells me I can ask one question .. My Question Will Be : God, was I really an alcoholic?

If God has a forehead, in light of my drinking history, he well may slap his forehead with the palm of his hand in disbelief because, like happened to Bill Wilson (see pages 120 and 121 of the A.A. conference approved book 'Pass It On') it is God himself that brought me into the life of sobriety. Not into A.A. that came 16 years later.

Then I go into detail about a life changing meeting that I attended in Elko, Nevada back in the late Spring of 1986. The below link will take you back to that Elko meeting.

http://aaphotoshere.blogspot.com/search/label/Tradition%203

So what is the answer to the challenge and the denial that come with the word Alcoholic? Don't use it unless you can 100% fully accept it !

With early newcomers I suggest they replace the word Alcoholic by using the Third Tradition and ask themselves IF they want to not drink alcohol today. 

I myself use and readily accept the below definition : 

I am an Alcoholic because I cannot predict, nor can I guarantee my behavior and my actions, after I take a drink of alcohol.

I was given the gift of this definition of an alcoholic by an Akron long timer, Mary Beth Herndon, who dated back into the 1940's.

Post Script : My share, and the meeting, I felt went very well.

MAY 24, 22 .. DAILY REFLECTIONS READING

 

Today's Daily Reflection reading for May 24 ..

"HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE"

"We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence."

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS p 133

To be honest, not all of the readings in the Daily Reflections book strike a bell with me. But this one certainly did. Odd that I have been reading this book for some decades and today's reading struck home.

In the Doctor's Opinion, Dr. Silkworth writes : "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol."

Translation : We drink to change the way we feel.

Why do I seldom hear it said that the purpose of A.A.'s twelve steps is to make us feel good about ourselves. The theory being if we feel good about ourself we won't need to drink to change the way we feel. Don't ask me to explain why some of us drink to celebrate our team winning the Super Bowl!

Chapter 5 says .. "If you have decided you want what we have.." and here is a problem. As newcomers what we want is to stop drinking. Then, once we have successfully stopped drinking, some of us feel life would be better if we were still drinking. If we are lucky we then find out what we really have here in A.A. is a design for living, that being what the Big Book and the 12 steps and traditions offer us.

So what is wrong with this picture? I think that all of us have witnessed fellow members who are living in, wallowing in, self pity and self imposed misery of their own making! Seemingly enjoying living a life full of (in some cases) years-long resentments. 

Not I said the Little Red Hen! I truly want to be happy, joyous and free. The greatest gift A.A. has given me is the ablility to look, with God's guidance, within myself and see what it is that I myself am contributing to a situation I am not happy with.

A resentment? Go to page 552 and pray for the person or thing that you resent.

Angry? Anger is a letter from Danger and we are ill equipped to deal with (even justifiable) anger.

Now it gets tougher. Lonely or depressed? Go find another alcoholic to help. Go help another human being. If you have a medical, or a mental health issue, get professional assistance (see page 133 of the Big Book) because we can't treat all human issues within the rooms of A.A.

Don't set yourself up to fail. Watch your expectations. Expectations are resentments waiting to happen! Your sports team can't possibly win every game or be a champion every year.

BUT (and we come back to Chapter 5) :  "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it..

You have got to want to be happy, joyous and free and be willing to do the work necessary to achieve it.

Is it easy? No it may not be easy. Especially with health issues. Will it be worth it? I hope for your sake the answer is yes. Good luck as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

APR 27, 22 .. IT'S IN THE A.A. BIG BOOK .. BUT WE AREN'T A GLUM LOT

IT'S IN THE A.A. BIG BOOK ..

BUT WE AREN'T A GLUM LOT 

Yep, it is right there on page 132 !!

A good friend in Kingman, Arizona, sent me the below text. I really got a chuckle out of it.

A Texas State Trooper pulled a car over on I-10 about 62 miles west of Kerrville Texas. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to West Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late. 

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the Trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the Trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was jugging, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car. A drunken good old boy from Ingram, Texas, got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper's car, opened the rear door and got in. The Trooper observed him and went over to the State Car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take my butt to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test!"

MAR 22, 22 .. MARCH .. THE 3rd MONTH .. THE 3rd STEP .. THE 3rd TRADITION .. CHAPTER 3 OF THE BIG BOOK

Thank YOU Danny 48073 for the above contribution !

As is, more or less, traditional across the fellowship, during the month of March (the 3rd month of the calendar year) many step, as well as general discussion, meetings discuss the 3rd Step and the 3rd Tradition. Two of my favorite steps and traditions.

With reference to one of the subtitles to this post .. keep it simple .. I will quote our co-founder Doctor Bob's last 12 words to Bill Wilson as they said their final goodbyes in Akron, Ohio, shortly before Doctor Bob passed away on November 16, 1950 .. "Remember Bill, let's not louse this thing up, let's keep it simple."

STEP 3

Many times I have mentioned that my first sponsor had a sponsor, Clarence Henry Snyder of Cleveland, Ohio, who got sober in Doctor Bob's home in February of 1938 before the AA Big Book was published. Then when the AA Big Book was published in April of 1939, it was not widely read nor used until after Jack Alexander's article about AA in the Saturday Evening Post on March 1, 1941 appeared.

https://www.aa.org/jack-alexander-article-about-aa

And? My grand sponsor Clarence took my original sponsor through the 12 steps far quicker than is done today. In the vein of Doctor Bob's words: "Remember Bill, let's not louse this thing up, let's keep it simple," Clarence was not one to belabor the steps.

Clarence kept it simple, direct and to the point.

When we got to STEP 3 my sponsor asked me to tell him what the 3rd Step said.

I replied, "We turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understand God."

My sponsor quietly asked me how this is done. I had no answer. Then he asked me to get my Big Book and read Step 3 on page 59 to him.

I began, "Made a decision.." He stopped me cold saying we don't turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understand God ! We make a decision to do so.

Then we turned to page 63 of the AA Big Book and I read the 3rd Step Prayer : 

God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!"

And? That Was That. We had completed Step 3 and we immediately began Step 4.

Simple Huh ?

I once had a friend that for over three years went to a Sunday afternoon 3rd Step meeting and forever said she couldn't do, nor understand, the 3rd Step. Even after I told her what I had been taught.

TRADITON 3

This is good, but the whole story is far too long to go into here so this is a short and condensed version.

My first ever AA Meeting was Tuesday, February the 25th, 1986, Tuesday Downtown at Grace Cathedral on Knob Hill in San Francisco.

Being new, at meetings after that first meeting, I did what new members often do. Get to a meeting exactly on time (never ever early), sit in the back, and leave immediately after the meeting (what new member wants to hang around visiting?).

The meetings in San Francisco were large meetings (40 to 60 people or even larger) so being anonymous (invisible) was very easy.

I was on a trip from San Francisco back to Michigan in the late Spring of 1986 and stopped in Elko, Nevada, to spend the night. I had a Western States Meeting Directory and found an 8pm meeting upstairs at the Silver Slipper Casino (long ago demolished).

I waited until 8pm and into the meeting room I walked.

As I entered the room I thought .. "Ah-h-h what's this? There are only 5 people here." Keep in mind I was used to much larger meetings in San Francisco.

But I took a seat at the table as the meeting was just beginning. Sitting kitty corner on my immediate left and leading the meeting, was a very hard, stern, mean-in-appearance, thin as a rail, much older lady. 

I was about to meet Ruby M who was going to give to me one of the most valuable and important gifts of all of my decades in AA.

Immediately after Ruby M finished a brief moment of silence, followed by the Serenity Prayer and the AA Preamble, she pushed a Big Book at me and said : "Tell us your name, read How It Works on pages 58 to 60, and tell us your story!"

Whoa! I had not been speaking even one single word in the large San Francisco meetings let alone telling my story. I first thought to just say no then decided that I'd never see any of them again so what the heck.

I was soon to learn that, of all things, this tiny meeting of the 6 of us (the original 5 plus me) was a 90 minute meeting and the 5 of them had been hearing each other for years or even decades, and were willing to go to any length to keep me talking for as long as they could do so!

Well ? I DO have a story. Vomiting blood and blacking out and demolishing an apartment where I was living with three other fraternity brothers in college the first time I drank alcohol. And 9 months later I was living on the street down in Florida etc. And on and on and on I went, pausing after describing each of my drinking catastrophes by saying, "But I would then quit drinking and so I don't think that I am really an alcoholic!"

And I finally finished after probably 45 minutes (keep in mind they kept egging me on to continue because they were sick and tired of hearing each other).

Ruby M then gave to me perhaps the greatest gift that I have ever received in the rooms of AA.

She said to me : Well I'll be (I think she probably actually said God Damned) darned! You are never ever going to be able to accept, and to acknowledge, that you are an alcoholic! I have one question for you : Do you have a desire to not drink today. Give me a yes or a no!" 

I said, "Yes, I really and I truly want to not drink today."

Ruby M then gave me the gift : "Welcome to AA. Tradition 3 states that .. The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking."

BIG BOOK CHAPTER 3

Do you get it? Read, study, the first two pages (30 and 31) of Chapter 3 of the Big Book. The Question is not : Are you an alcoholic? Many, most of us will think not. So The Question is : Do you have a desire to stop drinking? It's yes or no.

And for the next 45 minutes, one by one, each of these gnarly wizened old timers shared their stories and offered their suggestions to me.

Oh My! What a phenomenal gift to me that long ago meeting at the Silver Slipper Casino in Elko, Nevada, was for me.

A short post script : For some many years after this meeting, when going East or West on Interstate 80, I always stopped in Elko to sit in meetings at their Alano Club now at 680 River Street. BUT I never ever again saw Ruby M. I always asked about her but her health was failing. I had the idea, and she looked like, she was a 5 pack a day cigarette smoker. One time, in the Detroit, Michigan, area I gave an open talk and told the above story. After the meeting a local member came rushing up to me and said he had lived in Elko at one time and knew Ruby M. He went on to say that with her hard core, no nonsense, attitude she sent more alcoholics out to die in the street than she ever saved!

Ruby M, May God and The Good Lord Bless and Be With You Where ever you are resting.

FEB 24, 22 .. STEP 7 .. DEALING WITH SHORTCOMINGS ..

Step 6 is clear .. Character Defects are (more or less) cut and dried. I was taught that a step 6 defect is an actual flaw of character.

Lying, Cheating, Stealing, Bullying, Rape, Racism, Resentment, Anger, Fear, Cowardice, Self Pity, Self justification,

Self importance, Egotism, Guilt, Self condemnation, Evasiveness, Dishonesty, Impatience.

Perfectionism, People-pleasing, Apathy, Laziness, Resentment, Hatred, Rage, Selfishness, Pride, Hubris, Arrogance, Envy, Lust, Gluttony. 

Step 7 can, at least for me, be a real challenge.

I was taught a shortcoming is falling short. Failing to do something that you 'should' do.

Shortcomings are killers for me.  

Let's take watching the Super Bowl. 

I wait all year, 365 days from one Super Bowl to the next.

Super Bowl Sunday arrives and I am home, watching the Super Bowl, and I think, "Am I falling short of God's Will for me? Instead of sitting here watching this football game, 'should' I be out helping a struggling alcoholic?"

This past Sunday, the 13th of February 2022, was Super Bowl Sunday.

And? I am in a motel watching all of the pre-game festivities.

And? 

My next door motel neighbor (who himself is a member of A.A.) asks me to get him some coffee, and to assist him with something and I can tell that he really wants to visit.

The dilemma? Do I do what God probably wants me to do, help him, and trash my own plans that include my wife (who also loves the Super Bowl) or what do I do?

Here is what I actually did. 

I told him I was not going to walk to a local coffee shop about 15 minutes away to support his coffee caffeine addiction (I am also in Al Anon) nor was I going to stop watching the Super Bowl pre-game festivities.

And my basis :

Doctor Bob, in the book Doctor Bob and the Good Oldtimers said :

We (no human being) can not be all things, to all people, in all places, at all times.

And? My wife and I greatly enjoyed the Super Bowl and the next door motel neighbor moved out the next day.

Actual experience. Not vague theory.

The North Scottsdale Fellowship Club located here in Scottsdale, Arizona. A favorite place.

JAN 27, 22 .. OUR HOUSE .. LAKE HAVASU CITY, ARIZONA

 Meeting Makers Make It ..

Time and time and yes, time again, we hear the same story..

"Why did you relapse?" .. "I stopped going to meetings!"

Individually we need meetings and the fellowship of A.A.

Human beings have, or don't have, chemistry with one another. This human chemistry or social chemistry is difficult, if not impossible, to define or to predict. It is or it isn't. 

And?

The same applies to A.A. meetings and to our chemistry within the fellowship with other members. 

If anyone thinks that they have good human chemistry and love all of their fellow A.A. members, I will quote Doctor Robert Holbrook Smith, aka Doctor Bob, our A.A. cofounder who said : "If you love everyone in A.A. you have not been going to enough meetings!"

We hear this suggestion : Attend 90 A.A. meetings in 90 days.

However I seldom hear people making this recommendation say why! 

In my opinon we go to 90 meetings in 90 days to find a meeting room and a meeting format with members that we feel comfortable with at a time of day that suits us.

In other words, we want to have that undefinable chemistry we all seek.

OUR HOUSE .. LAKE HAVASU  CITY, AZ

I have been to (live and in person NOT zoom) meetings in each and every state in the United States. I did this beginning in August of 1988 and finished in November of 1992 in Hawaii.

OUR HOUSE, a meeting room here in Lake Havasu City, in my opinion, has an incredible, warm and welcoming atmosphere or chemistry. It seems the members who attend are other members who feel as I do, they being warm and welcoming.

See what you think. The below building houses Our House.

Meetings seven days a week, 7am / noon / 5 pm.

Into Our House we go.

We look to the left.

Now we look to the right. 

Below is a close up photo of the nice writing you can see above on the wall to the left of the bookcase in the above photo.

A beautiful coffee table!

Looking back at the parking lot side of the room.

To the left.

To the right.

There you have Our House in Lake Havasu City, Arizona. One of the most welcoming and comfortable venues I have had the pleasure of visiting.